"Rolling-on-the-floor hilarious spoof of kinky lifestyle study"

When Annabelle's beloved Uncle Henry disappears and before Aunt Ruth, obviously maddened by grief, takes off on a trip to the Bahamas with the studly Antonio, she calls her underemployed and over-educated — a Ph.D. in Sociology — niece Annabelle and asks her to pack up her missing husband's things. Actually what she says is "I want his shit out of here, but I don't want to touch any of that slimy rat bastard's crap myself." So dutiful Annabelle begins to sort through Henry's possessions and unearths a treasure trove of kinky porn (Leather and Loving It; Leather Bitches From Hell; Goddess Betty and Her Amazon Army) and toys. In the spirit of intellectual discovery, she decides to investigate this lifestyle using an ethnographic methodology that requires her to take part in the community she is studying. Soon Annabelle is haunting kinky chatrooms and interviewing kinksters all over the place in an effort to understand the appeal of this alternative lifestyle.

Annabelle gets off to a slow start because she can't quite seen it choose the right name for her role as a dominatrix. Mistress Yolanda, Empress of Uneasiness, and Lady Umbrage get too many giggles in the chat rooms, so she finally settles on plain Mistress Dominique. She states that there are few efforts to help newbies like herself, which is probably why so many people called her "dumbass" and asked her "what the hell are you doing?" (Reality Check: Most cities and regions have clubs to teach newbies proper use of toys as well as to introduce people to each other.) To get a good idea of Annabelle as a Domme, you really need to imagine an unholy cross between Lucille Ball and Woody Allen venturing into this subculture, which gives you a pretty good idea WHY she was greeted with such rudeness. (Reality Check: Kinky people are actually very welcoming to newbies and, as a group, are almost as polite as Society for Creative Anachronism members; there's something about being laden with whips or swords that just brings out the NICE in people.) For the benefit of the uninitiated, she goes to great length to explain basic terminology and poses some fascinating questions. "Corporal punishment__why is it always corporals? Why not sergeants or captains?" I'd like to know the answer to this one myself. I would think "privates" would be far more suitable, myself. She also tells about Earl, the Marquis de Sadist's less-famous cousin, who contributed greatly to the scene...

No exploration of kink would be complete without a look at fetishes. I confess I've never run into anyone who is turned on by K-Mart smocks or Blue Light Specials, but hey, what do I know? Then there are the piratists, couples turned on by dressing as pirates -- the big problem is that if both insist on being captains, no one gets Dommed, plus that damned parrot gets in the way. Warning: if you want to try this at home, it is not recommended that you use a Beanie Baby parrot. The furries, folks who dress up as stuffed toys, animals or anime characters (Reality Check: yes, these DO exist; google "furries plushies"). And last, but most disgusting of all, there are people who get off sniffing stinky shoes and underwear (Reality Check: gross though it sounds, they ARE real).

Things become even more hilarious when Annabelle encounters Goreans. (Reality Check: The sf Gor fan does come remarkably close to her description, as do the online chatroom versions to be found in places like "The Wounded Tarn pub" but the two REAL Gorean Masters I've met were soft-spoken, polite, attractive professional men, so I suspect the Real Life ones differ greatly from the sf fans and the chatroom types who seem to be mostly Horny Net Guys who've never come close to touching a Real Live Woman in their pudgy lives.) Then Annabelle takes the plunge as a professional Domme, but unfortunately there's no fetish shop in her town, so she has to make do with a fairy princess costume (tutu, wings, tiara and all). Her first scene is an utter disaster. I'll let you discover the delicious details yourself, but it involves slave Eddie clad only in a leather jockstrap, a collar and nipple clamps; a lady from Annabelle's Savvy Seders; a car accident; the police; and the Presbyterian minister next door. Her next scene under the mentorship of Lady Paper Cut turns into the final scene of Young Frankenstein (Warning: NEVER use a cattle prod on someone's head) with the inhabitants of the trailer park chasing after Crazy Morty with pitchforks and torches. To be fair, it isn't entirely Annabelle's fault; the lightning strike didn't do Morty any good either

If you want solid info on how to do bdsm, this isn't it. If you want to laugh yourself sick, this book will do the job nicely. I was reading this on the chaise longue which has arms, so I DIDN'T fall onto the floor, but I did laugh my posterior off (which saves on liposuction, so buying this book is also cost-effective). I really, really enjoyed this, Annabelle de Fouet. (Interesting Tidbit: "fouet" means "whip" in French.) I look forward to your further adventures in the world of kink. There's just enough truth in it to make this fun for kinksters and vanilla readers alike. Put this on your "Must Have" list. It is NOT to be missed, slave. Wait a minute, I'm a sub, not a Domme... anyway, you get the idea. If we gave symbols this would be ten whips. And if you want to fidn out WHY weather balloons make rotten sex toys, you'll have to buy the book (hint: they're not much good as water ballons either, the police get cranky when people drown on a public street).

Sensuality Rating: There is no sex, but there's a lot hilarious discussion of bdsm, paraphernalia, fetishes, etc.

Reviewed by Gillian Fitzgerald
Courtesy Sensual Romance Reviews
Posted July 25, 2004

Summary

Unemployed scholar Annabelle du Fouet lived a quiet life until her Uncle Henry disappeared, leaving behind a mountain of kinky porn. Ordered by her Aunt Ruth to get rid of it, Annabelle decided to study the books, magazines and videos, hoping to understand Uncle Henry's secret life.

Then Annabelle made a decision that changed her life—to write the world's first research report on all things kinky. And she would do it from the inside. As Mistress Dominique, Annabelle plunged into the murky world of kink and changed it forever. Mostly for the worse, as it turned out. Follow Mistress Dominique's adventures as she:

—Destroys a kinky party by filling a house with smelly green foam.
—Causes a gigantic submissive known as Crazy Morty to terrorize a trailer park.
—Starts a riot that sends the chairwoman of the Savvy Seeders garden club to a psychiatric hospital.
—Leads a band of enraged ponygirls to attack the Rocking Robins bird club.
—Helps a drunken kinky clown traumatize a women's religious studies group.
And much more!

Through Annabelle's historical research, you will learn why Vikings were kinky but not as kinky as the ancient Egyptians. You will discover why the man who invented golf also invented an implement found in dungeons everywhere, and how a man named Thomas Edison (but not that Edison) nearly blew up a town by inventing the world's first electric kinky device. You will meet people with a fetish for pirate outfits, a man who wears an owl suit, and people who pretend to be elderly in order to cause scenes in bookstores.

Be warned though—while this in-depth research document contains frank discussions of sexual deviations, its history and the people who participate in it, there are no actual sexual encounters described. Really. Please! Annabelle is a professional and this was all done in the name of science.