"Politically incorrect, hard-hitting sleazy hard-boiled detective"

Contemporary Hard-Boiled Detective / Windy & cold, fictional location.

I never read any Mickey Spillane, but I imagine this is what they're like. I DID watch Mike Hammer on TV, though, and the same voice-over was right here in this book! If this is an example of "sexy" from a manšs point of view, OK. Sleazy, but I'll buy it. If this, however, is what they think is a romance, then they really ARE from Mars! We will assume politely that it is not.

That said, if you are looking for a politically-incorrect, hard-hitting sleazy story with a short, punchy, pithy writing style, you got it, baby -- in spades! (Cue music: gritty saxophone wailing out the "Harlem Nocturne" theme song . . . Cut to opening scene)

47-year old Jay Hughes (yes, yes, same name as the author . . . no, I am not commenting) has won the lottery for $30 mil and gets picked up a dame. A young one of 23. Amy. She loves him, he can't figure out why. And then there's the baggage. When ex-wife Ruby calls up to say their daughter Susan is missing, he remembers Susan is older than Amy! But Susan is a stripper/whore, so who cares? Well, crap -- he does, so he investigates at the strip joint she worked at. He meets Raven, a gorgeous black gal (whose real name is Robin) with mega-tits (well, duh! there are no flat-chested girls in male fantasies -- get over it!) who has some info on the daughter. He spends lots of time with strippers, throwing money around as if it were Post-It(c) notes. As if it mattered. As if he cared.

He finds the girl, buys her back after watching her do a porn film (!?) and then the ex-wife is kidnapped. He marries Amy, she gets pregnant. (See? aren't those the requirements of a romance novel?) Lots of porn sex, stripper sex. Sexual tension? nothing like we women would define! Sexy, well yes, since the story is drenched in the sex trade world of internet porn, strip joints, porn kings, and prostitution. But donšt be too put off -- I could see this on HBO! It is a good story!

The characters are appropriately one-dimensional, so we don't get to know them. Enigmatic they all are, except the hero, who is clueless. Amy always sees to know more than she lets on, and you get the feeling that she might be in on some plot to fleece Jay out of his $30 mil from the very beginning. Is it a con? Can't quite tell. Ever. Suddenly Amy is buddy-buddy with Raven the stripper, who gave her husband a blowjob. Hmm. Complex.

No one is what they seem. If you saw the movie "The Spanish Prisoner ", Amy is exactly that girl with the dark hair that fleeces Steve Martin! No emotion, but something's going on! And such a guileless demeanor! Who knew?

On the whole, I loved this story because it was such a different tone, such a different voice than the usual Hallmark acceptability most romances are written with. (No disrespect -- it's obviously the tone the publishers want! And it's not a bad tone, not distracting. I suppose that's the point.) This is that fabulous B-movie tone where women get to have cleavage, aren't sluts for having even sleazy sex or even running around naked in front of your dad -- shot in grainy black-and-white. Very original, extremely fun!

Any sexual tension was the sort brought on by the visual of bump-and-grind naked strippers flashing plastic tits. This story is not in the least bit sensual. A crass hornyness, perhaps, but no deep, sensual longings for the touch of his lips, grazing softly across . . . oh, sorry. There's none of that. (Walk off into the foggy, streetlight-lit night. Cue sax. Cut.)

First Kiss - pg 5 First Sex - pg 5 1st I-Love-you - pg 6, devoid of all real emotion (as all are) Partners - H/H are the main ones Sex Acts - oral sex, a porn movie being made, strip club activity Body parts - Tits. Ass. Long legs. More tits. Great ones. Passion - None. Nada. Zippity-Do-Da Angst - Real Men donšt HAVE "angst", baby. Mystery - Lots. Tons. Twists and turns. Holy Toledo! Adventure - I guess it's an adventure . . . Readability - Great re-creation of a lost style, drenched in the raw sex of strip joints.

Red Pencil Recommendations I hate mysteries because I hate being lost! Around Chapter 12, I felt as clueless as he professes to be. A little re- cap of what Jay knew or didn't know would have been nice.

Watch Out For Falling Dialogue All of it fabulous Pulp Fiction! Tightly written period piece. And you can get your man to read THIS "romance" all the way through!!

Reviewed by Dana Dietrick
Courtesy Sensual Romance
Posted December 28, 2001